Disaster
I want to start by saying that disaster isn’t that bad, I’ve learnt to use it as a kind of familiar comfort. After years of experiences I’ve had that have made me want the ground below to swallow me whole and choices I’ve made that had me questioning whether I have something wrong with me. That being said…
That Thursday was a huge step for me, I felt like I’d had a breakthrough. I saw a path being brightly lit by my own enthusiasm. I had a direction and ideas. All made possible, simply because I’d pressed ‘post’ on my first newsletter. Something I honestly thought was still a couple of years from being achievable.
Disaster!
I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain. I can only apologise and explain that I lost the confidence of that Thursday. Unpredictable life events hit you like a cannon ball to the hull of a ship. The next Thursday came and went, I’d failed. The plan was clearly stated…
With each failure comes disappointment, anger and embarrassment but most importantly it comes with a lesson. A previous lesson taught me the importance of accountability. Many of us know the feeling of achieving nothing in a day, wishing you could just get up and do one of the things you wanted to today. The darkness lurking in the shadows waiting for the first opportunity to pounce like a predator hunting its prey.
I’m holding myself accountable. I got carried away and oversold myself. I am not ready, I do not have the self belief yet to sit down with enough confidence to post something every week. My confidence will grow with each post. I will be posting twice a month. Small improvements every day will make people look at you in the future like a distant aunt who always says ‘haven’t you grown since I saw you last’. You won’t necessarily notice how well you’re doing but others will.
Friday…
The day after the Thursday, that was the day the real magic happened. I was scrolling through TikTok when I saw the TikTok. The one that started it all. It instantly gave me new ideas. I began writing down ideas I also began making notes on future newsletters I could write for my Substack and even ideas for other new projects. My muse was that video, someone diving with their phone being held out of the window of the car filming the grey of the concrete mixed with the streaking light, like waving sparklers with the orange tinge of street lights yet to be renewed. The caption read “every time someone buys this I get 0.15p” with a link to the shop, absolute genius. I saw that video and interpreted it as a message directed at me. With the platform slitting at the seams, full with creators striving to produce content and, let’s be frank, make some money, I had seen, for the first time in a long time, something unique and to a degree relatable, to me at least. The comments section instantly added fuel to the fire. I was devastated when the Thursday came by and I hadn’t prepared my Newsletter. I could not understand how I had gone from having the self confidence of a
Close ones.
Who do you talk to? When the darkness clouds your path, when every step you take makes your heart race with the fear of not knowing what your future looks like. One of the best things anyone can do is talk.
If you someone you know doesn’t seem themselves, a quick google search will tell you that, the best thing for them is to talk about how they’re feeling. It goes without saying that this is far easier said that done. A good way to start is to remind them who they are to you in the way that only you can. It can be embarrassing to open up, so being the listener bares a responsibility. Trust is key because to open up is to let yourself be incredibly vulnerable. Be mindful of when and where the conversation is happening, is the environment going to make this person uncomfortable with the idea of opening up. It’s also important to remember that having difficult conversations face to face can be intimidating, especially as the person may know that opening up could release emotions that they don’t want anyone to see. Be open to the idea of a lengthy phone call late in the evening, or voice notes in the middle of the night, you don’t have to respond in the middle of the night but don’t discourage it, it may be the only time they feel comfortable enough to express themselves the way they need to.
If you don’t know the person as well but you can tell they’re not giving off their usual energy, please try to resist the temptation to ask ‘Are you ok?’ you know if you ask they’re going to say they’re fine, and that will that. Now, I know it sounds like a lot to ask, it really isn’t though. Ask something completely different, like… ‘What are watching at the moment? I’ve just finished [insert programme title here], so I’m looking for something new. It obviously doesn’t have to be that, it’s just a suggestion but… the idea is to start a conversation, the more general the conversation topics are, the more freeing it can be. Assuming you know this person reasonably well, you’ll be able to tell whether or not it’s the right time once you start talking. If you’re unsure always start, if you are shut down try again another time. Don’t put pressure on them to talk and don’t put pressure on yourself to make them, some things take time.
Being someone to talk to can profoundly impact a life, at the very least you will make someone smile.
Notes
Seeing that particular video at that time allowed my creative juices to move with a force equivalent to that of Niagara Falls descending upon the notes app on my phone. An incoherent arrangement of words just splashing onto the screen in one huge chunk to be dealt with at another time, I just knew I had to get it out write it down. So many ideas so many thoughts that needed to be expressed.
With so many ways to make money online and social media being one that seems to be the aspiration of so many, People of all ages, from all over the world are realising how easy it is to make a video of something you do on a regular basis and that it’s going to be entertaining to someone. The first video might be easy, then you have to be consistent and work at it, with the same vigour that you would give a job that you enjoyed. Seeing so many people, like children learning to walk, taking their first steps to change their lives for the better has been inspirational.
I too came to the conclusion that having a regular full time job is not for me. The energy expelled just convincing myself to engage with others and act like a regular human being can be almost debilitating. I would like to point out that this is in no way due to me being work shy. All I want is to have a role that has been hand crafted specifically for me, the only way I can do that is if I create it myself.
Through my journey I have discovered my goal. Lockdown provided the first opportunity for me to try, without guilt, my hand at something different. That is when I decided to start a website and blog. This turned out to be my first failed attempt at becoming my own boss. Even though I failed I learned a valuable lesson. Failure is part of the process. I learned that you can fail and still take something from it. Admittedly I did not learn this of my own accord, there were books that helped me to understand this. I decided that I needed to work on my social media skills and transfer these skills once I’d learnt them.
The idea
I’ve always had high expectations of myself. Growing up I heard the same phrase three times a year every year. Amador has so much potential if he’d only apply himself. The same phrase, recycled over again like it was plucked out of a hat at random and assigned specifically to me. For context; I never struggled academically at school I was a bright kid that was devastatingly uninspired by the adults around me. Until now I have lived my life one day at a time reacting to each circumstance as though it was a shock, believing that there was no way I could have ever been prepared for something like that to happen. I’ve learned that by having a goal you naturally think about what could go wrong more often, this leads to you being more prepared. There will always be occasions where you failed to prepare but you’ll always have prepared enough to get through.
With each failure comes disappointment, anger and embarrassment but most importantly it comes with a lesson.
Subscribe so you don’t miss out on the next episode of A Journey Of Growth. I’ll talk more about my future goals, and provide research on why having a goal is important and how it can improve your life.