Recently things have started to change in a huge way for me. All the anxiety I felt, all the fear I had, everything I felt made me worthless seemed to have all been explained by one thing. Something that will continue to have an affect on me for my entire life but it has changed the way I see my life. I have recently began the process of getting a diagnosis for ADHD. Now I’m fully aware of the thoughts some people have about ADHD how self discipline will just solve everything. I have however done a fair amount of research into it and the way it affects people’s lives, and the more I looked into it the more I found myself to be checking a lot of those boxes.
Since becoming aware of the fact that I could potentially have ADHD, the darkness that used to follow me has lifted and I feel like I see so much clearer, so much of my life that didn’t make sense before makes so much more sense now. Whilst I don’t want to get ahead of myself and assume I will get a diagnosis I have started to see how much my life could benefit from living as if I do already have a diagnosis. I honestly feel like the world became a different place over night. So many, but not all, of my questions were answered. For instance depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with ADHD, especially in those who discover it later in life. I’ve still got a lot to learn about it but I’m working at it everyday. In the beginning as you can imagine I was consuming all the content possible on all my socials and podcasts about ADHD. I’m now starting to learn how others deal with it and how they make small adjustments to every day tasks to help them achieve their daily goals. I’ve implemented some and even though I’m yet to stick to anything I’m happy that I’m trying. I’m also far happier knowing that I have to do things differently in order to function in a way that others deem acceptable or sufficient or “normal”. I’ve always felt different and I’ve always felt compelled to think outside the box and not be like others but my upbringing didn’t allow for it too much so I’ve still got to unpack all of that (eye roll). But simply knowing that ADHD is possibly the root of all my struggles has made all the difference to me.
Having mental health struggles is painfully isolating. There’s a deep tightening in your chest when you think about people you’ve lost through your turbulent journey, or your eyes become full and blurry from the tears welling when you think about broken connections and estranged family members. For me one of the hardest things to do is reconnect with people. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head, what are people going to say, what they might think if I reach out, I think about how long it’s been since we last spoke, how I’ve made them feel in the past, what I could possibly do wrong in the future to further exacerbate the fragility of our relationship, then I think about how their life is most likely much better without me in it. I’ve always thought this way. Even before I started to feel like the world was against me, long before the darkness blinded me. I always struggled to maintain friendships, nurture relationships and even just carry a meaningful conversation. I would always just talk about my current interests or the work I was doing at the time. Don’t even get me started on attempting to be part of a group conversation, when am I supposed to shoe in my response, how do I keep up with what everyone is saying, I’m lost because all I was thinking about was my response for what we were discussing three topics ago.
Isolation is, in my opinion, the toughest part of suffering from mental health issues. When you look into it, or hear others talk about it they always say the best thing to do is talk to someone. In reality that can often be the hardest thing to do. This basic task of sparking up a conversation with someone about how you feel is far from basic for some of us, in some cases completely unobtainable. When you’re perceived (or feel as though you are) by others as being strong, smart, together, mature, wise, then the act of talking to others about your weaknesses simply doesn’t make sense.
Something that I am starting to come to terms with - since venturing down the rabbit hole of ADHD research - is that not everyone thinks this way (mind blown). People don’t try to imagine all the ways a conversation can go wrong or all the ways people can be offended, they don’t even think about whether that person is up for a conversation. Most people just start talking to each other and see where it goes. If you are like me you may find it hard to believe and trust me when I say I’m still only just getting to grips with it, it is however very much how people are. The point I’m trying to make is that when you feel isolated, when you feel like you can’t talk, when you’re over thinking how to word a message, just stop for a moment and instead try to think about yourself and why are you reaching out. It is because you need to, you desperately need to be heard. When people start a conversation with you it’s more than likely just a basic need for them as well, they are simply seeking out a connection. Conversation is part of being human, some of us are better at it than others, we all do it though. Take time to remind yourself that talking to someone even if it is about yourself is “normal”.
If talking to others really is too difficult and just seems absurd to you (this genuinely is how I felt) then one thing you could do is find relatable information. Whether that’s content on socials, tv programmes, books. However you feel most comfortable, find relatable information. Feeling understood and like you’re not the only person, in the entire world, who experiences life the way you do can be the start of a much smoother ride. Research what you think your condition might be - there are always multiple ways to treat any condition - you’ll see there are so many resources to increase your knowledge, look for what you believe will have the highest probability of working for you. Along the way, if you research thoroughly and regularly, you will find that you have started seeing things from a different perspective, your way of thinking might change, your clouds may start to thin. Take this time for yourself, do this for you and you will find it becomes easier to see the worth in you.
I’m at a point now where I’ve done all the research I can I now need external input to further my progress, I just feel far more confident in seeking out the right help. I researched so hard so often and tried all that I could and doing this made me feel less inadequate. I began to notice how many people think and feel the way I did, struggled with similar things in similar ways and dealt with things in ways that I hadn’t thought of. I did all of this without having a single uncomfortable conversation I didn’t want to have. The deeper I went the more people I found living with the same difficulties as me and knowing this made me feel far less isolated.
I started this Substack to help make others feel less alone if they’re going through mental health struggles. My aim will always be to try and help and now that I’ve become aware of the links between mental health problems and neurological impairments such as ADHD I now want to talk about this more in general, as many people may be suffering with their mental health because they have an undiagnosed neurological issue. ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) quite often coincides with ADHD, so this is something that I will look into further. Ultimately the goal will be to help by providing as much information about the above topics as possible, eventually speaking with people who have diagnoses and asking them to share how it affects their lives and passing on helpful tips, tricks and advice about living a fulfilling life. I also hope to eventually help others be seen and heard and help give them a voice, if they need it. Along the way we’ll build a supportive community.
Thanks for reading. Please share this with anyone you know who may be feeling isolated, let them know they’re not alone.